T'was the Night before Christmas
by CrazyChibiSama
Summary: When a bunch of Soul reapers show up for a party, they cause Ichigo some new headaches. No pairings, rated for slight language. written poem style to "the night before christmas" one shot. might add a story to it later...
1. Chapter 1

Some friends and I got together for a christmas challenge and I won it with this poem.

Diclaimer: I no own Bleach... aww...

The Night Before Christmas

(Ichigo's POV)

It was the night before Christmas,

and all through my house,

Not a person was sleeping,

except for Dad, that louse.

Some friends had stopped by,

and insisted on a party,

I said no but they began

to laugh and drink hearty.

" No alcohol!" I said,

but I was ignored,

while Renji danced

and Kira slept on the floor.

Ukitake stepped in,

to be the voice of reason,

but Matsumoto noticed his

clothes were out of season!

She dragged him out,

but she didn't get far.

She turned back to ask me

if she could borrow a car.

Ukitake escaped, and I

wished so could I,

Orihime had come,

bringing her trademark pie.

Everyone else had gone,

except for Toshiro and me,

so I stood there and thought

about the stomach-pump fee.

Matsumoto got the munchies

and ate the whole thing,

and I looked heavenward

and heard hallelujah bells ring.

Ukitake returned,

with Kyoraku in tow,

then sat next to Uryu and Chad

to enjoy the show.

Kyoraku got drunk,

which was no surprise,

and through the door came Santa!

But it was Zaraki in disguise.  
What the? What gives?

Why is Zaraki dressed like that?

Yachiru got festive

and gave him a hat.

Urahara saw him,

and said, " That's too bland,"

so he gave him a suit,

that even Tessai called grand.

Jinta said he looks stupid,

Ururu stayed silent,

Urahara got him out the door,

before Zaraki could get violent.

Halfway down the street,

Yumichika insisted on makeup,

Zaraki chased him away,

and gave Ikkaku a rude wake-up.

But I digress from that tale,

and face my current issue:

Kira just ran by,

dressed in nothing but party tissue.

"How drunk ARE these people?"

I wondered to myself.

Then I looked at the wall:

All my dad's alcohol off the shelf.

Oh no! My dad's stash!

This could get bad!

Matsumoto's drunk too,

and Toshiro's MAD!

"Kurosaki!" he said,

his face an angry red.

I wanted nothing more right now

than to just go to bed.

" Quiet them down!" and with that,

he departed.

Oh, great, Toshiro,

Where should I get started?!

The heads keep increasing

every time I count,

the Tag-a-longs are here,

I knew that without a doubt.

"C'mon you guys,

this place is a mess!"

at least Yuzu and Karin aren't here,

maybe they'll get some rest.

Where are they, you ask?

They went with a neighbor.

They're now at a restaurant,

with some fancy waiter.

" Shut up, you idiots,

people are in bed!"

their response to my yell

was to get LOUDER instead!

" Quiet down or out you go!"

all the noise began to cease,

but in the distance I heard a siren,

Oh CRAP! The POLICE!

Who the hell called them?

Probably the neighbors' sister.

I turned to get my friends out,

but they were playing twister.

" Uh-oh!" I said.

" The cops are almost here!

Get out of here now!"

but Zaraki had nothing to fear.

" I can take them," he said,

and the others agreed.

"Let Zaraki take them," they urged,

but I didn't concede.

The cops passed us by!

Seems we weren't their target.

Then Renji came in,

with some sake form the 24 hour market.

"Go home!" I pleaded,

I had almost begun to beg.

But they had settled in chairs

and had begun to veg.

" Come on, let's go home.

I think Ichigo's had enough."

Thank you, Ukitake!

He knows I've had it rough.

They all filed out,

some in a drunken rush,

and they headed for home,

leaving footprints in the late-night slush.

I began to clean up,

placing broom to floor.

Dammit, I'm sending them

a bill for that door!

I finished cleaning,

so now I'm off to my room.

On the way, I stop by the closet,

and put away the broom.

I crawled into my bed,

and turned off the light,

then threw Kon out the window,

Merry Christmas and GOOD NIGHT!

Whaddaya think, readers? I know it's a little early, but I wanted to post it before I forgot about it. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach in anyway.

This is the story version to my poem in the previous chapter.

(Ichigo's pov)

8:00 PM

I covered my ears from the loud music as I made my way up the stairs, stepping over several Soul Reapers as I passed. Renji and several other Soul Reapers insisted on ringing in Christmas with a celebration to wake the dead. I don't mind you guys waking the dead, but can you take it to Soul Society so the living can get some rest?! Good grief! I must have stepped over at least ten Soul Reapers just trying to get up the stupid stairs!

At the top of the stairs, I checked on my dad to see if he was okay with all this racket going on. THAT LOSER! Why does he- HOW does he manage to sleep through a partying mob of Soul Reapers?! I can't even sleep through my alarm in the morning! I resisted the urge to drag him out of that room and throw him down the stairs, however, that would have caused more problems. Sighing, I trudged back down the stairs, returning to my private hell that had been created in my living room.

"I don't want you guys partying in here! Go home!" I snapped at Renji. Renji looked at me from his position on the floor, sake cups scattered around him. "Aw, C'mon Ichigo, we're just celebrating Christmas!" he then took another swing from a sake bottle. Dad, where's the medical cabinet with the aspirin?

"Have your Christmas celebration at _home_." I hissed. Renji ignored me and continued to drink from the sake bottle, only pausing to come up for air. "No alcohol!" I snapped again. Ikkaku, lying nearby, ignored me as well and asked Renji to pass the bottle. After passing the bottle, Renji then got up and sidled over to the left side of the living room where a game pad had been set up with Dance Dance Revolution blaring from the television set. He then situated himself on one of the pads and set the game to light mode. Growling, I stormed away from that side, only to trip over Kira, whose snores could easily wake the neighborhood. Dad, where DO you keep that aspirin?!

8:30 PM

Stepping over several more Soul Reapers, I saw a faint glimmer of hope as Ukitake came into the house. Had it not been for his abnormally long white hair, he could have passed for casual with his outfit. He was wearing a brown sweater over a pair of black pants. I rushed to greet him, hoping that he could rid me of my Soul Reaper infestation quietly before I solved it violently. Did I mention it was a 'faint glimmer of hope?'

" Caaptain Uukitaakke, Come to part-y too?" Matsumoto came flying from god-knows-where and hugged him energetically, making every guy in the room sympathetic towards him, for she was doing him more harm than good. " Ack-tually, I came to ask if anyone has seen Toshiro? Ichigo, have you seen him?" replied Ukitake. I kept my mouth sealed, for Toshiro Hitsugaya was upstairs in my room sleeping, (Matusmoto's failed attempt at a Christmas cake had given him a killer headache and I told him to sleep it off) and would freeze me solid the minute I walked in there. I certainly wasn't going to tell Ukitake that he was in there; he'd shower the kid with endless gifts of candy. Poor kid.

Having failed to locate Toshiro, Ukitake turned back to the door. "I guess I'll go look for him in Soul Society. Can't be too many places he'd go." As he walked out the doorway, Matsumoto grabbed his arm. "Parka's are all the rage now, don't you know?" Oh, I do not like where this is going... "Let's go get one instead of that awful brown sweater! Parka's are more wintery anyways!" I knew it. She dragged him out the door, ranting about seasonal clothes as his screams/begs of mercy/failed attempts to get away/etc, could be heard down the street.

Closing the door, I opened it again when she knocked on the door loudly. "Forget something?" I asked. She crossed her arms, Ukitake hanging limply from her side. "I need a car. None of the local shops are open right now. I'll have to go out of town." My jaw hit the ground. "Are you nuts?! I don't have a car! I don't even have a learner's permit!" She began to pout but finally released Ukitake, who scampered away. She walked over to the game pad and began playing DDR with the other boys.

9:15 PM

Not a male eye in the room could ignore Matsumoto's dancing, and I don't need to explain why. Kon rocketed past me so he could get a 'better view' and I grabbed the little pervert mid-flight. Ignoring his screams of protest and revenge, I climbed the stairs and opened the door to my room. Toshiro had recovered from his headache and passed me in the doorway, mumbling words of thanks as I walked into my room and locked Kon in the closet, much to his dismay. Thankfully, Rukia was in Soul Society, waiting in line for a limited editon Chappy the Rabbit soul candy dispenser so she wasn't in the closet at the time. I'm gonna need a lot of aspirin to have the energy to even look at those guys the next time I see them…

I caught up with Toshiro down the stairs just in time to witness the once bustling room become a ghost town. Orihime stood in the doorway to the living room, an unidentifiable mess in her arms. She glanced about the room for signs of life and brightened considerably as her eyes locked on to mine. Oh, crap.

"Look, Ichigo! Matsumoto told me about the Christmas party so I baked a pie and brought it over here! It's a special holiday pie; Blueberry with jalapeno cheese filling in a wheat crust with a bread pudding topping! Wanna try it?" OH MY GOD, what IS that- wait, let me rephrase that- OH MY GOD, WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?

The living room was empty, preventing me from finding some unfortunate S.A.P ( Sucker of Amazing Proportions) to sic Orihime on, so I silently weighed my options.

Try it.

Answer: Ah ha ha ha ha ha… no.

Accidentally knock it to the floor and make humongous apology.

Answer: No, I couldn't do that to her. I mean, we're friends and all, but her healing has saved me more than once so I owe her.

Run.

Answer: To where?

Make Toshiro try it.

Answer: Again, ah ha ha ha ha ha... no. He'd freeze me before I even got close.

Pray.

Answer: To who?

9: 30 PM

After weighing the pros and cons of my options, I went with the one least likely to kill me. I silently prayed for something to save me and Toshiro. I wonder how much it costs to have an emergency stomach pumping at 9:32 at night.

What happened next almost made me religious. Matsumoto had gone into the kitchen for some snacks, but when she couldn't find any, (I hid them all) she barged into the living room to yell at someone, spotted Orihime's…uh… 'Masterpiece' and ate it. I swear, that woman is the only person I know who can eat something Orihime made, and not have to go to the hospital with an ulcer. The ancient clock that my dad keeps on the TV set rang 9: 30 (Its three minutes off) but to me, sounded like the bells of heaven giving me another chance at life with a working stomach.

After the menacing pie had vanished, the room became populated again. Ukitake, Kyoraku, Uryu and Chad all came through the door and joined the party. Uryu and Chad had been picked up by Ukitake, who was still looking for Toshiro, and Kyoraku had spotted them and announced he was coming. Anything involving sake always calls that guy. Kyoraku wandered off in search of his 'Heavenly Nectar' and Ukitake sat next to Uryu and Chad to enjoy the revived dance off.

10:00 PM

Kyoraku is now barely hanging onto the table, using his free hand to continue chugging down bottle after bottle. I had spent most of my time a) trying to get rid of them and b) having failed to get rid of them, at least trying to keep them quiet. If Ikkaku were anywhere near sober at the moment, he would have said that I 'Fail at Failing.' A loud bang on our door made me wince at the thought of even more Soul Reapers coming in.

A very tall Santa Claus came into the room, snow resting heavily on his shoulders. Several (drunk out of their minds) Soul Reapers started calling "Santa Claus!" and began to knock each other over trying to reach him. Upon closer inspection, 'Santa Claus' was actually a very disgruntled Kenpachi Zaraki. Resisting the urge to laugh, due to the fact that he still had his sword, I walked over there and asked him why he was dressed like that.

He glared at me for a split second before telling me what happened. According to him, Zaraki had been informed of our little Christmas bash and wanted to celebrate by showing up and asking me for a fight. Unfortunately, (fortunately for me,) he had gotten lost and somehow wound up at Urahara's store. Still dressed in Soul Reaper attire, Urahara said that he wouldn't let Zaraki go walking down the street and scaring the locals. So he went and found a bright red suit to go with the hat that Yachiru insisted on him wearing. (And I quote: "Yachiru: Ken-Chan! It's Christmas! You need to play the part when you go to play with Itchy! Here, wear this! Have fun now!" Brrr.)

Tessai had been the previous owner of that suit, and no, I don't know why he had it either, and he said that he used to have a grand time wearing that. For what, I don't know. Anyways, Zaraki was coaxed/forced into wearing it when Jinta and Ururu came into the shop. Jinta, not realizing who Zaraki was, called him stupid while Ururu stayed quiet. Urahara and Tessai pushed Zaraki, who was howling at the kid to come over there and back up his words, out of the store and down the street towards my house.

Following the map that they had given him very carefully, Zaraki then stumbled upon Yumichika, who stared at Zaraki's outfit and said that the only thing that would complete that outfit would be the right type of makeup. Not wanting any type of makeup placed upon him, Zaraki picked up Yumichika and lobbed him over the wall of my house, where Ikkaku was recovering (that explains why I haven't seen him lately) and now Yumichika was recovering from a series of brutal injuries inflicted upon him by Ikkaku.

10:20 PM

A roar of laughter erupted behind me and I tore my head away from Zaraki's tale in time to witness Kira, dressed in nothing but the tissue usually reserved for streamers, run by. Oh my freakin' god, how drunk ARE these people?! I then felt a sense of dread and ran to the shelf where my dad keeps his alcohol for celebratory reasons. Oh-no! They took it! They took it ALL! Crap! Now they can get even more wasted! Great.

Matsumoto's distinct yell could be heard from the living room, laced with an air of intoxication. I rushed in there to stop whatever she was yelling about, but quickly wished I hadn't. She was eagerly hugging Toshiro, who was a deep shade of angry red. His eyes locked onto mine and he yelled at me. "KUROSAKI!" Why can't you people all just let me go to bed?! Go home!

He slipped out of her powerful embrace and opened a gate to Soul Society. Hurrying through, he turned to face me. "Quiet them down!" he then left my view and as the gates closed , Ukitake ran after him. Yeah, uh-huh, O mighty Captain of the Soul Society, just where am I supposed to get started in this madhouse?!

11:13 PM

The head count keeps increasing every time I'm distracted, and also more and more people keep showing up! Stupid tag-a-longs. "C'mon you guys, this place is a mess!" I shouted. They ignored me again. Maybe Yuzu and Karin will at least to get sleep. My neighbor (Rich bastard.) insisted on taking his beautiful (in his eyes) daughter to a five-star restaurant and she told him that she wanted Yuzu and Karin to come too. He couldn't resist her, and he begged my dad to let them go.

Dad finally allowed them to go and by now, they're probably getting a wonderful meal with some fancy waiter waiting on them hand and foot. Grrr…Switch places with me, dammit! "Shut up, you idiots! People are in BED!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

They just turned up the volume on me! Now the volume was at unbearable, sending my hands back to my ears. After a few seconds I thought my ears were going to bleed as I yelled "QUIET DOWN OR OUT YOU GO!" The music began to get quieter and I took my hands away from my ears in relief.

11: 28 PM

Hmm? What's that sound? Sounds just like a – A SIREN! OH CRAP! Somebody called the POLICE! Gaahh, who called them?! Knowing my neighborhood, probably my neighbor's stupid sister. "Uh-oh! The cops are almost here! Get out of here now!" I urged to the others. The sorry morons were playing TWISTER! Zaraki perked up at the sound of the sirens. "I can take them."

Several Soul Reapers were nodding their heads in agreement. "Let Zaraki take them." I stood in the doorway and refused to budge. Zaraki lifted his head in a gesture of 'move it,' but I wasn't moving. Zaraki tried to get around me, but I simply planted my foot down and stated that I live here and they were my guests. They seemed to buy it as the siren passed on by. Huh, guess they have no business with us.

Renji then ran in happily, knocking me over, waving around a grocery bag full of sake from the 24 hour market. That's it. I cracked. "Go home!" I pleaded to them. I just wanted to go to bed now and try to forget this whole night. However, all of them had settled into respective chairs or made themselves comfortable on the floor and had begun to vegetate. Why me?! WHY ME?!

12:50 AM

"Come on, let's go home. I think Ichigo's had enough." Ukitake announced, starting to pry his fallen comrades from their resting places. I always knew there was a reason as to why I would go out my way to listen to this guy! He knows how to help a fellow who's having a rough time of things! Thank you, Ukitake!

1:45 AM (It took forever to revive some of them, especially Matsumoto)

All of them began to file outside, where Ukitake had a gate waiting. Some of them went out the windows and landed face first in the snow that had fallen last night. Brushing themselves off, every single Soul Reaper, Including Renji and Zaraki, made their way to the gate home as I waved good bye, though not trying to be too eager about it. Walking back into the house, I sighed as I saw the remains of Tokyo after Godzilla had stomped through it.

Nothing to do but get a broom and clean this place up. Uryu, Chad, and Orihime had already bailed and had left me with all the cleanup. Thanks, pals. Still cleaning, I made my way over to the door to the pantry, where I had hidden all the snacks. Note to self: Send Soul Society repair bill for that door and think of good cover story as to why it was broken.

2:10 AM

Finally finished, I dragged my weary body up the stairs and put the broom into the closet before collapsing onto my bed, ready to let the sweet release of sleep take me out of this nightmare. "Damn you, Ichigo! How could you do that to me!" howled Kon, launching himself out of the closet. I would have been slightly impressed that he was able to pick that lock with those paws, but I was far too sleepy to even give him a fair amount of time to defend himself as I threw him out the window. After I made sure he had hit the bushes below, I slammed the window shut.

Reaching over, I turned off my clock alarm; if dad had been born with any sense, he'll leave me alone tomorrow, because I certainly didn't need that alarm. I then reached above me to mark off another day on the calendar. "Merry Christmas." I whispered to myself as I pulled the covers over my head.

THE END


End file.
